Come Home by HENRY J.M. NOUWEN
There are two realities to which you must cling. First, God has promised that you will receive the love you have been searching for. And second, God is faithful to that promise.
So stop wandering around. Instead, come home and trust that God will bring you what you need. Your whole life you have been running about, seeking the love you desire. Now it is time to end that search. Trust that God will give you that all-fulfilling love and will give it in a human way. Before you die, God will offer you the deepest satisfaction you can desire. Just stop running and start trusting and receiving.
Home is where you are truly safe. It is where you can receive what you desire. You need human hands to hold you there so you don’t run away again. But when you come home and stay home, you will find the love that will bring rest to your heart.
Rainbow出生在新疆，後來在浙江、上海長大，今天早上她搭機"回"台灣辦點事! Rainbow不在的這兩個禮拜，我想我才會很想"家"。
這些人都是存著信心死的，並沒有得著所應許的；卻從遠處望見，且歡喜迎接，又承認自己在世上是客旅，是寄居的。 說這樣話的人是表明自己要找一個家鄉。他們若想念所離開的家鄉，還有可以回去的機會。他們卻羨慕一個更美的家鄉，就是在天上的。所以神被稱為他們的神，並不以為恥，因為他已經給他們預備了一座城。
2009年2月12日 星期四
Give Gratuitously
Your love, insofar as it is from God, is permanent. You can claim the permanence of your love as a gift from God. And you can give that permanent love to others. When others stop loving you, you do not have to stop loving them. On a human level, changes might be necessary, but on the level of the divine, you can remain faithful to your love.
One day you will be free to give gratuitous love, a love that does not ask for anything in return. One day also you will be free to receive gratuitous love. Often love is offered to you, but you do not recognize it. You discard it because you are fixed on receiving it from the same person to whom you gave it.
The great paradox of love is that precisely when you have claimed yourself as God's beloved child, have set boundaries to your love, and thus contained your needs, you begin to grow into the freedom to give gratuitously.
如果有一天，你懂得自在地付出無私的愛，完全不求回報；那你也可以自在地接受那無私的愛，其實我們一直收到這樣的愛，只是我們不懂很簡單的答案原來就在我們身邊。
中國的古人早該說「已若所欲，多施於人」!
2009年2月11日 星期三
Set Boundaries to Your Love
Set Boundaries to Your Love by HENRY J.M. NOUWEN
When people show you their boundaries ('I cant do this for you'), you fed rejected. You cannot accept the fact that others are unable to do for you all that you expect from them. You desire boundless love, boundless care, boundless giving.
Part of your struggle is to set boundaries to your own love - something you have never done. You give whatever people ask of you, and when they ask for more, you give more, until you find yourself exhausted, used, and manipulated. Only when you are able to set your own boundaries will you be able to acknowledge, respect, and even be grateful for the boundaries of others.
In the presence of the people you love, your needs grow and grow, until those people are so overwhelmed by your needs that they are practically forced to leave you for their own survival.
The great task is to claim yourself for yourself, so that you can contain your needs within the boundaries of your self and hold them in the presence of those you love. True mutuality in love requires people who possess themselves and who can give to each other while holding on to their own identities. So, in order both to give more effectively and to be more self-contained with your needs, you must learn to set boundaries to your love.
畫下界線的確很重要，沒有界線如同沒有標準。因為各種原因，最近談了幾個員工離職案例，這是在所有的公司工作中，所有人最不喜歡的任務之一。但是，工作的本質就是希望透過員工發揮才能來換取團隊最大的利益，進而得到生活所需的報酬，如果管理者不能堅守標準地要求員工發揮應有的效率或才能，那也對已經在要求水準上的員工就太不公平了!
愛當然也需要界線，因為愛也是有標準。所以，80,90年後獨生長大的小弟弟妹妹們，真正的愛不是每個人都可以接受的，當你有標準地被要求與對待時。
2009年2月10日 星期二
Always Come Back to the Solid Place
Always Come Back to the Solid Place by HENRY J.M. NOUWEN
You must believe in the yes that comes back when you ask, 'Do. you love me?' You must choose this yes even when you do not experience it.
You feel overwhelmed by distractions, fantasies, the disturbing desire to throw yourself into the world of pleasure. But you know already that you will not find there an answer to your deepest question. Nor does the answer lie in rehashing old events, or in guilt or shame. All of that makes you dissipate yourself and, leave the rock on which your house is built.
You have to trust the place that is solid, the place where you cm say yes to God's love even when you do not fed it.
Right now you fed nothing except emptiness and the lack of strength to choose. But keep saying, 'God loves me, and God's lave is enough'. You have to choose the solid place over and over again and return to it after every failure.
總有一個地方是安全的，這種安全是非常享受的。"Solid Place"讓我聯想到"三隻小豬"的故事，在奢華的惡狼帶來的恐懼下，一個堅固地能讓內心充滿平安的職位、同事、團隊、公司都是令人感到幸福的。建造這樣的磚瓦房一定是辛苦的，但可以發揮才能、盡情流汗卻是值得的。
你的工作可以讓你有加高薪的升遷都還不想走嗎? 如果你是主管，建造這樣的團隊環境給你的部屬是你2009年最大的責任；如果你正處於這樣的掙扎，那得要問問在內心最深最深的自己，想定下來的那地方到底在哪裡?!
You must believe in the yes that comes back when you ask, 'Do. you love me?' You must choose this yes even when you do not experience it.
You feel overwhelmed by distractions, fantasies, the disturbing desire to throw yourself into the world of pleasure. But you know already that you will not find there an answer to your deepest question. Nor does the answer lie in rehashing old events, or in guilt or shame. All of that makes you dissipate yourself and, leave the rock on which your house is built.
You have to trust the place that is solid, the place where you cm say yes to God's love even when you do not fed it.
Right now you fed nothing except emptiness and the lack of strength to choose. But keep saying, 'God loves me, and God's lave is enough'. You have to choose the solid place over and over again and return to it after every failure.
總有一個地方是安全的，這種安全是非常享受的。"Solid Place"讓我聯想到"三隻小豬"的故事，在奢華的惡狼帶來的恐懼下，一個堅固地能讓內心充滿平安的職位、同事、團隊、公司都是令人感到幸福的。建造這樣的磚瓦房一定是辛苦的，但可以發揮才能、盡情流汗卻是值得的。
你的工作可以讓你有加高薪的升遷都還不想走嗎? 如果你是主管，建造這樣的團隊環境給你的部屬是你2009年最大的責任；如果你正處於這樣的掙扎，那得要問問在內心最深最深的自己，想定下來的那地方到底在哪裡?!
2009年2月9日 星期一
Cry inward
Cry inward by HENRY J.M. NOUWEN
A split between divinity and humanity has taken place in you. With your divinely endowed centre you know God's will, God's way, God's love. But your humanity is cut off from that. Your many human needs for affection, attention, and consolation are living apart from your divine sacred space. Your call is to let these two parts of yourself come together again.
You have to move gradually from crying outward - crying out for people who you think can fulfill your needs - to crying inward to the place where you can let yourself be held and carried by God, who has become incarnate in the humanity of those who love you in community. No one person can fulfill all your needs. But the community can truly hold you. The community can let you experience the fact that, beyond your anguish, there are human hands that hold you and show you God's faithful love.
我們家小寶貝Ruth，如同多數親子教養書中所講的，開始懂得用哭做為工具來威脅我和Rainbow，這不僅反映在生活必需的需求上，開始表現出來在情感上。在我早晨離開家去上班前，她已經開始會使用哭來希望得到能挽留住我多抱她個幾分鐘，又或許她心想能得到我能帶她一起出去的機會。不過，聽Rainbow說，等她確定我關上門後的兩分鐘內(這速度或許比我搭電梯到一樓還快?!)，多半會停止哭聲轉向她有興趣的玩具，或是吃手指玩頭髮尋求自我安慰。所以我覺得這其實算不得是種威脅，哭是無法言語的她表達內心需要的唯一方式!
很好奇，一個人成長過程是甚麼時候開始學習(或者是懂得)自我尋求安慰與鼓勵? 其實，生命的安排就是會有一群天使在我們身邊，可能是家人、朋友、兄長、或者是公司的老闆，你認為他們是派來管你的? 他們也可以是來幫助你的，如果你內心懂得需要幫助!
A split between divinity and humanity has taken place in you. With your divinely endowed centre you know God's will, God's way, God's love. But your humanity is cut off from that. Your many human needs for affection, attention, and consolation are living apart from your divine sacred space. Your call is to let these two parts of yourself come together again.
You have to move gradually from crying outward - crying out for people who you think can fulfill your needs - to crying inward to the place where you can let yourself be held and carried by God, who has become incarnate in the humanity of those who love you in community. No one person can fulfill all your needs. But the community can truly hold you. The community can let you experience the fact that, beyond your anguish, there are human hands that hold you and show you God's faithful love.
我們家小寶貝Ruth，如同多數親子教養書中所講的，開始懂得用哭做為工具來威脅我和Rainbow，這不僅反映在生活必需的需求上，開始表現出來在情感上。在我早晨離開家去上班前，她已經開始會使用哭來希望得到能挽留住我多抱她個幾分鐘，又或許她心想能得到我能帶她一起出去的機會。不過，聽Rainbow說，等她確定我關上門後的兩分鐘內(這速度或許比我搭電梯到一樓還快?!)，多半會停止哭聲轉向她有興趣的玩具，或是吃手指玩頭髮尋求自我安慰。所以我覺得這其實算不得是種威脅，哭是無法言語的她表達內心需要的唯一方式!
很好奇，一個人成長過程是甚麼時候開始學習(或者是懂得)自我尋求安慰與鼓勵? 其實，生命的安排就是會有一群天使在我們身邊，可能是家人、朋友、兄長、或者是公司的老闆，你認為他們是派來管你的? 他們也可以是來幫助你的，如果你內心懂得需要幫助!
2009年2月6日 星期五
Trust the inner voice
Trust the inner voice by HENRY J.M. NOUWEN
Do you really want to be converted? Are you willing to be transformed? Or do you keep clutching your old ways of life with one hand while with the other you beg people to help you change?
Conversion is certainly not something you can bring about yourself. It is not a question of will-power. You have to trust the inner voice that shows the way. You know that inner voice. You turn to it often. But after you have heard with clarity what you are asked to do, you start raising questions, fabricating objections, and seeking everyone else's opinion. Thus you become entangled in countless often contradictory thoughts, feelings, and ideas and lose touch with the God in you. And you end up dependent on all the people you have gathered around you.
0nly by attending constantly to the inner voice can you be converted to a new life of freedom and joy.
今天公司一位主管級的同事來找我，針對他現在部門同事間的合作衝突想詢問我一些意見，我們談了幾乎一整個上午，很值得自誇的是我做到從頭到尾做到不給他針對性的答案。因為我打從剛開始的設定就是希望透過這樣的談話，可以讓他體會開始與他內心真正的自己對話的感覺。最後離開我辦公室時，他閃爍地眼神告訴我，他似乎察覺了某些心得。
我們喜歡跟同事開會，並且針對事情很快地給意見，尤其是稍具工作經驗的主管更是如此，但我們是否會找個時間與真實的自己喝杯茶、開開會、給點意見? 或許從求學時期開始，師長們總是灌輸給概念是等我們做錯事情時才需要這樣做，這叫反省；那沒做錯事時呢? 那更應該把自己好好地叫出來聊聊天吧! 要不然，可能長久下來，感性的右腦可能不認識理性的左腦!
Do you really want to be converted? Are you willing to be transformed? Or do you keep clutching your old ways of life with one hand while with the other you beg people to help you change?
Conversion is certainly not something you can bring about yourself. It is not a question of will-power. You have to trust the inner voice that shows the way. You know that inner voice. You turn to it often. But after you have heard with clarity what you are asked to do, you start raising questions, fabricating objections, and seeking everyone else's opinion. Thus you become entangled in countless often contradictory thoughts, feelings, and ideas and lose touch with the God in you. And you end up dependent on all the people you have gathered around you.
0nly by attending constantly to the inner voice can you be converted to a new life of freedom and joy.
今天公司一位主管級的同事來找我，針對他現在部門同事間的合作衝突想詢問我一些意見，我們談了幾乎一整個上午，很值得自誇的是我做到從頭到尾做到不給他針對性的答案。因為我打從剛開始的設定就是希望透過這樣的談話，可以讓他體會開始與他內心真正的自己對話的感覺。最後離開我辦公室時，他閃爍地眼神告訴我，他似乎察覺了某些心得。
我們喜歡跟同事開會，並且針對事情很快地給意見，尤其是稍具工作經驗的主管更是如此，但我們是否會找個時間與真實的自己喝杯茶、開開會、給點意見? 或許從求學時期開始，師長們總是灌輸給概念是等我們做錯事情時才需要這樣做，這叫反省；那沒做錯事時呢? 那更應該把自己好好地叫出來聊聊天吧! 要不然，可能長久下來，感性的右腦可能不認識理性的左腦!
2009年2月4日 星期三
Stop Being a Pleaser
Stop Being a Pleaser by HENRY J.M. NOUWEN
You have to let your father and father figures go. You must stop seeing yourself through their eyes and trying to make them proud of you.
For as long as you can remember, you have been a pleaser, depending on others to give you an identity. You need not look at that only in a negative way. You wanted t0 give your heart to others, and you did so quickly and easily. But now you are being asked to let go of all these self-made props and trust that God is enough for you. You must stop being a pleaser and reclaim your identity as a free self.
在任何階段，我們多會找一些"模範"當作成長階段的榜樣，這些模範會常常掛在我們的嘴邊，這些多半是我們熟悉、景仰的師長，或者是親近而且比較具領導氣質的同儕朋友。我們樂於去學習甚至是模仿其模式及風格。大部分的我們可以從這中學習到我們該成長的部分，但經歷某段學習的過程後，還是必須很快地走出屬於自己的風格與自信，不然就陷入英雄崇拜而缺乏個人思考的窘境。
身為一個部門的主管，越來越多的事務、專案以及不得不成功的權責壓力接踵而來，我面對的是越來越多的老闆(或者，越來越多人說他算是我老闆?!)，但相反的，我越來越堅信我面對的是對自我的真實而負責，絕不是單純只是滿足"人"的要求。
「人在最小的事上忠心，在大事上也忠心；在最小的事上不義，在大事上也不義。」路加福音16章10節
You have to let your father and father figures go. You must stop seeing yourself through their eyes and trying to make them proud of you.
For as long as you can remember, you have been a pleaser, depending on others to give you an identity. You need not look at that only in a negative way. You wanted t0 give your heart to others, and you did so quickly and easily. But now you are being asked to let go of all these self-made props and trust that God is enough for you. You must stop being a pleaser and reclaim your identity as a free self.
在任何階段，我們多會找一些"模範"當作成長階段的榜樣，這些模範會常常掛在我們的嘴邊，這些多半是我們熟悉、景仰的師長，或者是親近而且比較具領導氣質的同儕朋友。我們樂於去學習甚至是模仿其模式及風格。大部分的我們可以從這中學習到我們該成長的部分，但經歷某段學習的過程後，還是必須很快地走出屬於自己的風格與自信，不然就陷入英雄崇拜而缺乏個人思考的窘境。
身為一個部門的主管，越來越多的事務、專案以及不得不成功的權責壓力接踵而來，我面對的是越來越多的老闆(或者，越來越多人說他算是我老闆?!)，但相反的，我越來越堅信我面對的是對自我的真實而負責，絕不是單純只是滿足"人"的要求。
「人在最小的事上忠心，在大事上也忠心；在最小的事上不義，在大事上也不義。」路加福音16章10節
2009年2月3日 星期二
Cling to the Promise
Cling to the Promise by HENRY J.M. NOUWEN
Do not tell everyone your story. You will on1y end up feeling more rejected. People cannot give you what you long for in your heart. The more you expect from people's response to your experience of abandonment, the more you will feel exposed to ridicule.
You have to dose yourself to the outside world so you can enter your own heart and the heart of God through your pain. God will send to you the people with whom you can share your anguish, who can lead you doser to the true source of love.
God is faithful to God's promises. Before you die, you will find the acceptance and the love you crave. It will not come in the way you expect. It will not follow your needs and wishes. But it will fili your heart and satisfy your deepest desire. There is nothing to hold on to but this promise. Everything else has been taken away from you. Cling to that naked promise in faith. Your faith will heal you.
有人說台灣人比較含蓄和內斂，是這樣嗎? 我也比較不出來，但最近在與Rainbow看新聞聊天時恰巧談到，在中國，似乎越高層的管理階層(包含政治人物或商業領袖)越內斂。而在工作上，看了，也面試了一些中國年輕人，大多能說會道，但我懷疑，事實上的他(她)們...?
人在內心甚麼都沒有的空虛時，總喜歡裝飾點甚麼東西在身上，但無論多高貴的知識、職稱、華麗這些都是會過時、會消逝、甚至會被戳破。但當心中被滿足時隨之而來的自信心，其實用不著說就可以體現出來，世界上也沒有一種言語可以清楚定義與描述何謂"自信心"。 這份的滿足說穿了就是愛，慶幸的是，我還沒到死前就已經找到我的真愛。
Do not tell everyone your story. You will on1y end up feeling more rejected. People cannot give you what you long for in your heart. The more you expect from people's response to your experience of abandonment, the more you will feel exposed to ridicule.
You have to dose yourself to the outside world so you can enter your own heart and the heart of God through your pain. God will send to you the people with whom you can share your anguish, who can lead you doser to the true source of love.
God is faithful to God's promises. Before you die, you will find the acceptance and the love you crave. It will not come in the way you expect. It will not follow your needs and wishes. But it will fili your heart and satisfy your deepest desire. There is nothing to hold on to but this promise. Everything else has been taken away from you. Cling to that naked promise in faith. Your faith will heal you.
有人說台灣人比較含蓄和內斂，是這樣嗎? 我也比較不出來，但最近在與Rainbow看新聞聊天時恰巧談到，在中國，似乎越高層的管理階層(包含政治人物或商業領袖)越內斂。而在工作上，看了，也面試了一些中國年輕人，大多能說會道，但我懷疑，事實上的他(她)們...?
人在內心甚麼都沒有的空虛時，總喜歡裝飾點甚麼東西在身上，但無論多高貴的知識、職稱、華麗這些都是會過時、會消逝、甚至會被戳破。但當心中被滿足時隨之而來的自信心，其實用不著說就可以體現出來，世界上也沒有一種言語可以清楚定義與描述何謂"自信心"。 這份的滿足說穿了就是愛，慶幸的是，我還沒到死前就已經找到我的真愛。
2009年2月2日 星期一
Work Around Your Abyss
Work Around Your Abyss by HENRY J.M. NOUWEN
There is a deep hole in your being, like an abyss. You will never succeed in filling that hole, because your needs are inexhaustible. You have to work around it so that gradually the abyss doses.
Since the hole is so enormous and your anguish so deep, you will always be tempted to flee from it. There are two extremes to avoid: being completely absorbed in your pain and being distracted by so many things that you stay far away from the wound you want to heal.
人都以為自己很容易滿足，其實很難想像自己內心深處的那個洞有多大，也許大到沒有人可以想像。這個洞可以是個夢想，永遠往裡面填不滿，督促自己一再進步的夢想，聰明人說那是人類因夢想而偉大。也可能是個慾望，永遠無法滿足的慾望，人的一生就在夢想跟欲望中不斷追逐，可以認為是種痛苦，也可以是種多采多姿的生活!
There is a deep hole in your being, like an abyss. You will never succeed in filling that hole, because your needs are inexhaustible. You have to work around it so that gradually the abyss doses.
Since the hole is so enormous and your anguish so deep, you will always be tempted to flee from it. There are two extremes to avoid: being completely absorbed in your pain and being distracted by so many things that you stay far away from the wound you want to heal.
人都以為自己很容易滿足，其實很難想像自己內心深處的那個洞有多大，也許大到沒有人可以想像。這個洞可以是個夢想，永遠往裡面填不滿，督促自己一再進步的夢想，聰明人說那是人類因夢想而偉大。也可能是個慾望，永遠無法滿足的慾望，人的一生就在夢想跟欲望中不斷追逐，可以認為是種痛苦，也可以是種多采多姿的生活!
2009年1月30日 星期五
能力有問題影響升遷，思維有問題影響生計
大部分大陸大學畢業的年輕人能力和衝勁是令人激賞的，這是和台灣最大不一樣的地方。但是高效能力和十足衝勁的背後，基本的"品格"似乎是企業裡人才培訓馬上要面對的課題。初看這則新聞標題，會以為這是一家不盡情理的公司，雖然處置的方式有所爭議，但仔細閱讀與觀察老董事長所關心的"思維問題"與年輕人事後"搬出老爸"的處置方式，其實就是下一階段中國面對人才選、育才的問題。不錯! 中國管理階層也正在一點一滴的進步!
電梯裡不甩董事長 江蘇年輕人被以「思維有問題」開除
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電梯裡不甩董事長 江蘇年輕人被以「思維有問題」開除
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2009/01/29 13:15記者陳奕廷／綜合報導
「世 事洞察皆學問、人情練達即文章」，這是中國清朝名著紅樓夢的一段話，卻是放在何時何處皆準的。在南京江蘇弘業國際集團期貨員，下班在電梯遇到集團大老闆， 因為不認得他，大老闆跟他打招呼，他不但沒回應，還瞄了一下，結果被老闆以「思維有問題」為由，開除了他，讓他做到今年二月底。
小張是南京人，今年24歲，南京財經大學本科畢業。去年11月10日進入中華路弘業大廈期貨公司就職，很快與公司簽了半年期的合同。他很開心，這年頭找個飯碗不容易，因此工作十分賣力。
去年12月中旬的一個周五，加了一會兒班，小張離開辦公室已是晚上7點多了。大廈電梯載著他開到12樓時，進來一位老人，面相和藹。小張不認識，但是老人卻先開口說「小夥子，你是哪個公司的？」，小張沒有搭裡，還瞟了對方一眼，沒開口。
老人有點不悅的問「你是哪個公司的？告訴我。」，小張才回答說「期貨公司的，有啥事情嗎？」
也就是這段對話，回到家後，小張接到經理的電話，才知道那是老人是他「領導的領導」，他心中非常忐忑。後來雖然經理去周旋，但是還是被罵得臭頭，最後，小張被下通牒，「你在公司沒發展空間了，會很被動。你考慮考慮，打個辭職報告，可以不來上班了，工資結算到2月份。」
結果，小張的父親還去找董事長道歉，老董回想起來還是很生氣，老董說：「我看他下班這麼晚，主動與他打招呼，本想表揚他幾句，沒想到他卻向我瞪眼睛。」，老董模仿起來，又說「問他話也不搭理。他的思維不正常，期貨行業對員工素質要求很高，他不適宜做期貨」。
所以，如果自己不懂得與人相處，老爸請出來去跟老董道歉，也是沒用，而小張今年不但過年不好過，過完年除了得要找工作外，也得學學自己如何與人應對進退。
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