See Yourself Truthfully

See Yourself Truthfully by HENRY J.M. NOUWEN

You continue struggling to see your own truth. When people who know your heart well and love you dearly say that you are a child of God, that God has entered deeply into your being, and that you are offering much of God to others, you hear these statements as pep talks. You don't believe that these people are really seeing what they are saying.

You have to start seeing yourself as your truthful friends see you. As long as you remain blind to your own truth, you keep putting yourself down and referring to everyone else as better, holier, and more loved than you are. You look up to everyone in whom you see goodness, beauty, and love because you do not see any of these qualities in yourself. As a result, you begin leaning on others without realizing that you have everything you need to stand on your own feet.

You cannot force things, however. You cannot make yourself see what others see. You cannot fully claim yourself when parts of you are still wayward. You have to acknowledge where you are and affirm that place. You have to be willing to live your loneliness, your incompleteness, your lack of total incarnation fearlessly, and trust that God will give you the people to keep showing you the truth of who you are.

看不到別人比較可怕，還是看不透別人比較可怕?

很多時候我們花很多時間聽別人講述自己需要聽的信念、知識、方法、激勵、優缺點、獎勵、懲罰... 但我們似乎沒有真實地看到自己。 自己在哪裡?孤獨在哪裡?以及自己的不完美在哪裡? 相信神會給我們這樣的朋友讓我們真正地認識自己!

小謀老師曾問我們當引導員帶活動問題反思時，可以接受團隊多久沉默的時間來思考? 可怕的不是沒有信念分享，而應該害怕的是分享出來的竟然不是自己!

Understand the Limitations of Others

Understand the Limitations of Others by HENRY J.M. NOUWEN

"You keep listening to those who seem to reject you. But they never speak about you. They speak about their own limitations. They confess their poverty in the face of your needs and desires. They simply ask for your compassion. They do not say that you are bad, ugly, or despicable. They say only that you are asking for something they cannot give and that they need to get some distance from you to survive emotionally. The sadness is that you perceive their necessary withdrawal as a rejection of you instead of as a call to return home and discover there your true belovedness.

最難的都不是由世界(別人)來的，是如何在乎自己? 而戰勝自己就是去

學習自己不會的知識；
接受心裡不舒服的批評；
挑戰不可能的任務；
接觸不相往來的敵人；
以及愛身旁所有的人

有妖怪

有個老阿婆坐無線電計程車，司機接到客後馬上很專業地以無線電回報總台

"517、517，聽到請回答" (PS無線電517數字專業用語念"武邀拐" )

結果老阿婆在後座馬上拿隨身包包狠狠地往司機大哥頭 "海K" 下去，說，

您祖罵就是去給人家請，畫了點腮紅，說甚麼"有妖怪(台語)"~

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Come Home

Come Home by HENRY J.M. NOUWEN

There are two realities to which you must cling. First, God has promised that you will receive the love you have been searching for. And second, God is faithful to that promise.

So stop wandering around. Instead, come home and trust that God will bring you what you need. Your whole life you have been running about, seeking the love you desire. Now it is time to end that search. Trust that God will give you that all-fulfilling love and will give it in a human way. Before you die, God will offer you the deepest satisfaction you can desire. Just stop running and start trusting and receiving.

Home is where you are truly safe. It is where you can receive what you desire. You need human hands to hold you there so you don’t run away again. But when you come home and stay home, you will find the love that will bring rest to your heart.

Rainbow出生在新疆，後來在浙江、上海長大，今天早上她搭機"回"台灣辦點事! Rainbow不在的這兩個禮拜，我想我才會很想"家"。

這些人都是存著信心死的，並沒有得著所應許的；卻從遠處望見，且歡喜迎接，又承認自己在世上是客旅，是寄居的。 說這樣話的人是表明自己要找一個家鄉。他們若想念所離開的家鄉，還有可以回去的機會。他們卻羨慕一個更美的家鄉，就是在天上的。所以神被稱為他們的神，並不以為恥，因為他已經給他們預備了一座城。

Give Gratuitously

Give Gratuitously by HENRY J.M. NOUWEN

Your love, insofar as it is from God, is permanent. You can claim the permanence of your love as a gift from God. And you can give that permanent love to others. When others stop loving you, you do not have to stop loving them. On a human level, changes might be necessary, but on the level of the divine, you can remain faithful to your love.

One day you will be free to give gratuitous love, a love that does not ask for anything in return. One day also you will be free to receive gratuitous love. Often love is offered to you, but you do not recognize it. You discard it because you are fixed on receiving it from the same person to whom you gave it.

The great paradox of love is that precisely when you have claimed yourself as God's beloved child, have set boundaries to your love, and thus contained your needs, you begin to grow into the freedom to give gratuitously.

如果有一天，你懂得自在地付出無私的愛，完全不求回報；那你也可以自在地接受那無私的愛，其實我們一直收到這樣的愛，只是我們不懂很簡單的答案原來就在我們身邊。

中國的古人早該說「已若所欲，多施於人」!

Set Boundaries to Your Love

Set Boundaries to Your Love by HENRY J.M. NOUWEN

When people show you their boundaries ('I cant do this for you'), you fed rejected. You cannot accept the fact that others are unable to do for you all that you expect from them. You desire boundless love, boundless care, boundless giving.

Part of your struggle is to set boundaries to your own love - something you have never done. You give whatever people ask of you, and when they ask for more, you give more, until you find yourself exhausted, used, and manipulated. Only when you are able to set your own boundaries will you be able to acknowledge, respect, and even be grateful for the boundaries of others.

In the presence of the people you love, your needs grow and grow, until those people are so overwhelmed by your needs that they are practically forced to leave you for their own survival.

The great task is to claim yourself for yourself, so that you can contain your needs within the boundaries of your self and hold them in the presence of those you love. True mutuality in love requires people who possess themselves and who can give to each other while holding on to their own identities. So, in order both to give more effectively and to be more self-contained with your needs, you must learn to set boundaries to your love.

畫下界線的確很重要，沒有界線如同沒有標準。因為各種原因，最近談了幾個員工離職案例，這是在所有的公司工作中，所有人最不喜歡的任務之一。但是，工作的本質就是希望透過員工發揮才能來換取團隊最大的利益，進而得到生活所需的報酬，如果管理者不能堅守標準地要求員工發揮應有的效率或才能，那也對已經在要求水準上的員工就太不公平了!

愛當然也需要界線，因為愛也是有標準。所以，80,90年後獨生長大的小弟弟妹妹們，真正的愛不是每個人都可以接受的，當你有標準地被要求與對待時。

Always Come Back to the Solid Place

Always Come Back to the Solid Place by HENRY J.M. NOUWEN

You must believe in the yes that comes back when you ask, 'Do. you love me?' You must choose this yes even when you do not experience it.

You feel overwhelmed by distractions, fantasies, the disturbing desire to throw yourself into the world of pleasure. But you know already that you will not find there an answer to your deepest question. Nor does the answer lie in rehashing old events, or in guilt or shame. All of that makes you dissipate yourself and, leave the rock on which your house is built.

You have to trust the place that is solid, the place where you cm say yes to God's love even when you do not fed it.

Right now you fed nothing except emptiness and the lack of strength to choose. But keep saying, 'God loves me, and God's lave is enough'. You have to choose the solid place over and over again and return to it after every failure.

總有一個地方是安全的，這種安全是非常享受的。"Solid Place"讓我聯想到"三隻小豬"的故事，在奢華的惡狼帶來的恐懼下，一個堅固地能讓內心充滿平安的職位、同事、團隊、公司都是令人感到幸福的。建造這樣的磚瓦房一定是辛苦的，但可以發揮才能、盡情流汗卻是值得的。

你的工作可以讓你有加高薪的升遷都還不想走嗎? 如果你是主管，建造這樣的團隊環境給你的部屬是你2009年最大的責任；如果你正處於這樣的掙扎，那得要問問在內心最深最深的自己，想定下來的那地方到底在哪裡?!

Cry inward

Cry inward by HENRY J.M. NOUWEN

A split between divinity and humanity has taken place in you. With your divinely endowed centre you know God's will, God's way, God's love. But your humanity is cut off from that. Your many human needs for affection, attention, and consolation are living apart from your divine sacred space. Your call is to let these two parts of yourself come together again.

You have to move gradually from crying outward - crying out for people who you think can fulfill your needs - to crying inward to the place where you can let yourself be held and carried by God, who has become incarnate in the humanity of those who love you in community. No one person can fulfill all your needs. But the community can truly hold you. The community can let you experience the fact that, beyond your anguish, there are human hands that hold you and show you God's faithful love.

我們家小寶貝Ruth，如同多數親子教養書中所講的，開始懂得用哭做為工具來威脅我和Rainbow，這不僅反映在生活必需的需求上，開始表現出來在情感上。在我早晨離開家去上班前，她已經開始會使用哭來希望得到能挽留住我多抱她個幾分鐘，又或許她心想能得到我能帶她一起出去的機會。不過，聽Rainbow說，等她確定我關上門後的兩分鐘內(這速度或許比我搭電梯到一樓還快?!)，多半會停止哭聲轉向她有興趣的玩具，或是吃手指玩頭髮尋求自我安慰。所以我覺得這其實算不得是種威脅，哭是無法言語的她表達內心需要的唯一方式!

很好奇，一個人成長過程是甚麼時候開始學習(或者是懂得)自我尋求安慰與鼓勵? 其實，生命的安排就是會有一群天使在我們身邊，可能是家人、朋友、兄長、或者是公司的老闆，你認為他們是派來管你的? 他們也可以是來幫助你的，如果你內心懂得需要幫助!

Trust the inner voice

Trust the inner voice by HENRY J.M. NOUWEN

Do you really want to be converted? Are you willing to be transformed? Or do you keep clutching your old ways of life with one hand while with the other you beg people to help you change?

Conversion is certainly not something you can bring about yourself. It is not a question of will-power. You have to trust the inner voice that shows the way. You know that inner voice. You turn to it often. But after you have heard with clarity what you are asked to do, you start raising questions, fabricating objections, and seeking everyone else's opinion. Thus you become entangled in countless often contradictory thoughts, feelings, and ideas and lose touch with the God in you. And you end up dependent on all the people you have gathered around you.

0nly by attending constantly to the inner voice can you be converted to a new life of freedom and joy.

今天公司一位主管級的同事來找我，針對他現在部門同事間的合作衝突想詢問我一些意見，我們談了幾乎一整個上午，很值得自誇的是我做到從頭到尾做到不給他針對性的答案。因為我打從剛開始的設定就是希望透過這樣的談話，可以讓他體會開始與他內心真正的自己對話的感覺。最後離開我辦公室時，他閃爍地眼神告訴我，他似乎察覺了某些心得。

我們喜歡跟同事開會，並且針對事情很快地給意見，尤其是稍具工作經驗的主管更是如此，但我們是否會找個時間與真實的自己喝杯茶、開開會、給點意見? 或許從求學時期開始，師長們總是灌輸給概念是等我們做錯事情時才需要這樣做，這叫反省；那沒做錯事時呢? 那更應該把自己好好地叫出來聊聊天吧! 要不然，可能長久下來，感性的右腦可能不認識理性的左腦!